FRAN’S FRIENDS THOUGHT SHE WAS A WITCH
‘CAUSE HERE EYELID WOULD TREMOR & TWITCH.
BUT SHE HANDLED IT WELL,
WHEN SHE CAST A GREAT SPELL,
THAT MADE THEM ALL WIGGLE & ITCH.

(true story except for the witch part)

Back when the earth was cooling,
when I was but a child,
I dreamed of conquering the world.
My imagination ran wild.
After turning a bit older,
I decided the world could wait.
I was having too much fun,
to worry about my fate.
As I approached my puberty;
everything about me changed,
I felt the world was a crazy place;
all of the people were strange!
When full 'teendom" hit me,
with hormones teeming and raging.
I was too busy ogling the guys,
to give much thought to aging.
As a young adult my plans were grand;
I'd get a college degree.
But alas, came marriage and kids,
first one, then two, then three.....
The only world I conquered then
was a mound of diapers and dishes.
I spent most of my days forgetting
to ponder my conquering wishes.
Years flew past and found me
sitting in an empty nest.
"Now!", I thought, "I can really tear loose
and show the world my best.
"I'm back to dreams of conquering,
though my focus changed a bit.
I look high and low for a cure for vertigo
and bi-focals that fit.
Everything I touch I seem to lose,
yet I giggle and dance with glee!
I still find things that make me smile;
like a friend who's slower than me!

Genuine guarantee

I’ve got it! I’ve finally found the key!!
A surefire way to be pain free.
A genuine money-back guarantee…
Just get a blank obituary ;
Put your name in the blank and send it to ME.
It doesn’t cost a fortune you see
Just make me your beneficiary
be sure to send it priority.
My henchmen will visit tomorrow at 3!
And don’t forget to send the money!

She would have been

On a writing forum they gave us a prompt...Write a poem using 47 as the subject.



Grampa left it in his will,
At 47 she would inherit the hill,
the mansion, servants, all of it.
They chuckled at his cruel wit.

Now with her birthday just a week away
What would all the gossips say?
Terribly alone but soon to be rich,
she died the next day at 46.

There's really nothing quite as nice
As being kissed by lips of ice.
Unless it's a hug from a great pal,
Who bears his teeth, drools and growls.

Edward will always be my guy
Because he taught me how to fly.
Jacob will always be my friend
though he hates the smell of my skin.

Heck, it doesn't even bother me,
That while I'm dining at KFC,
And looking over my shoulder for the Volturi,
Ed's sucking the life out of poor Bambi

Someday when my wish comes true
My skin will also be pale blue.
I'll go out hunting with the Cullen crew
And get my own special "venison stew."

I guess some things are just meant to be
Like Edward, Carlisle, Esme, and me
Except for that gal Rosalie
Who can't even stand the sight of me.

This story only has one fatal flaw;My best friend may become my son-in-law!